Never Apologize!

Ok I swear my blog won't degenerate into a mishmash of e-mail forwards and song lyrics... but I just have to put this out there, in keeping with this month's spirit:

1. Never apologize for pursuing what makes you happy.
Even if you need to quit your job,
transfer schools, or move across country, always do what you really want.

2. Never apologize for using proper English.
Keeping it real doesn't mean speaking Ebonics.

3. NEVER (ever) apologize for giving your best in a relationship that just didn't work out.

4. Never apologize for being successful.
Only haters want to keep you at their level.

5. Never apologize for crying.
Wear waterproof mascara and express yourself.

6. Never apologize for ten pounds you need to lose.
People who truly care about you will accept you as you are. (They should!)

7. Never apologize for being frugal.
Just because you save your money instead of blowing it on the latest fashion emergency doesn't mean you're cheap.

8. Don't apologize for being a single mom.
Babies are a blessing.

9. Never apologize for treating yourself to something special.
Sometimes you have to show yourself some appreciation.

10. Never apologize for leaving an abusive relationship.
Your safety should always be a priority.

11. Never apologize for keeping the ring even if wedding bells won't chime.

12. Never apologize for setting high standards in a relationship.
You know what you can tolerate and what simply gets on your nerves.

13. Never apologize for saying NO.

14. Never apologize for asking for what you want in bed.
If you don't, then who will?

15. Never apologize for wearing a weave.
You bought it so it's yours.

16. Never apologize to your new friends about old friends.
There's a reason she's been your girl from day one.

17. Never apologize for ordering dessert.
Or more than one dessert.

18. Never apologize for dating outside your race.
Just because you found Mr. Right across the color line doesn't mean you don't love
your brothas.

19. Never apologize for not knowing how to cook.
Even if you can't burn like Grandma you know how to order good take out.

20. Never apologize for your taste in clothes.
It's your style.

21. Never apologize for changing your mind.

22. Never apologize for exercising your right to choose.
It's your right.

23. Never apologize for making more money than your man.
You work hard and you deserve to get paid.

24. Never apologize for being you!

"KEEP YOUR HEAD UP AND KEEP MOVING FORWARD"

Will the real Manila please stand up?

I don't know where I'm going with this so I'm just going to ramble para ma-process ang iniisip ko.

Had a cup of hot chai and gulab jamun (fried dough balls in a sugary syrup) at New Bombay with one of my favorite tias. We were discussing I-don't-know-what when the man sitting at the next table struck up a conversation. At first, we talked about what we thought of our food (pretty good, not too sweet) and where we're from (he's originally from Canada), then got a little bit into what he and my aunt (who's lived in the US most of her life) think of Manila.

I've always been interested in knowing how foreigners see this city (and the country as a whole). The expats I've met in the past year have had some pretty interesting insights, but I've never been as perturbed by them as I am tonight. I can't really explain why. Maybe writing this will help.

John (not his real name, as I don't actually know what that is), lives in San Andres -- a not-upscale-at-all part of Manila. He works with a big company in Makati and could most likely afford a place in the posh central business district... but he loves going home to San Andres because he says it's "real." His neighbors include drug addicts and prostitutes but strangely enough, he feels safer there than he does in Makati. Because it's a tightly-knit community, where you can leave your front door open, comforted by the knowledge that your neighbors will watch your house without your having to ask.

I guess I'm just struck by the irony of this: that a place like San Andres, a part of town I'd never want to visit, is a foreigner's favorite place in Manila. To me, it represents a reality I'd rather didn't exist (i.e. poverty). To him, it represents the beauty that is reality. I suppose it's easy to romanticize a ghetto when you know you could easily leave it.

Anyways, it's really late and I'm hungry and sleepy so I'm going to call it a night. I'm just thankful that my reality right now is a comfortable bed with fresh sheets.

Current music courtesy of Corinne Bailey Rae

This is off the Grey's Anatomy soundtrack. Not sure but I think the local stations have picked her up. She's a promising new artist from the UK and well, this song of hers is stuck in my head right now. Enjoy!

Like A Star

Just like a star across my sky,
Just like an angel off the page,
You have appeared to my life,
Feel like I'll never be the same,
Just like a song in my heart,
Just like oil on my hands,
Oh.. I do love you,

Still I wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

You've got this look I can't describe,
You make me feel like I'm alive,
When everything else is au fait,
Without a doubt you're on my side,
Heaven has been away too long,
Can't find the words to write this song,
Oh.,..
Your love,

Still I wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

I have come to understand,
The way it is,
It's not a secret anymore,
'cause we've been through that before,
From tonight I know that you're the only one,
I've been confused and in the dark,
Now I understand,

I wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
I wonder why it is,
I wont let my guard down,
For anyone but you
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

Just like a star across my sky,
Just like an angel off the page,
You have appeared to my life,
Feel like I'll never be the same,
Just like a song in my heart,
Just like oil on my hands

Baby hugs

One of my high school classmates said that a person needs four hugs a day for mental stability. I have no idea if there's any scientific data to support that, but if you think about it, the theory explains a lot. Maybe there are so many crazy people out there (myself included) because we don't get enough hugs.

Happily though, I have a remedy for my hug-deprivation in the form of my adorable, squeeeeeeezable niece. She came to visit today and has made me so happy! (",)

Stop Apologizing!

I just remembered another item for my previous post... Learn to stop apologizing! How could I forget? :) I remembered because it's also an item on a different list I just read in a women's magazine -- something like "Subtle Ways to Battle Discrimination in the Workplace."

Chronically apologizing is something that could be hard to unlearn. I'm always apologizing. Why? Possibly because I'm a Cancerian, therefore sensitive and always wanting to please people. Then again, I do know a lot of people born under the same sign as me whose every other word isn't "sorry." I guess I just hate conflict and believe that you catch more flies with sugar than vinegar. Humility, the ability to recognize that you were wrong and publicly acknowledge that, is a virtue.

But now, I realize that you have to draw the line somewhere. There comes a point when people will actually respect you less for always apologizing. (Shit, that was a no-brainer. Why didn't I realize it sooner?) It's one thing to apologize when you know without a trace of doubt that what you did is absolutely wrong, but it's quite another when you do even though at some level, you believe you were right. In the latter case, your apology communicates a lack of conviction. And when you have to interact with people who like to kick when you're already down, you do not want to give them that kind of ammunition.

Honestly, these days, people have been disappointing me a lot. The silver lining here though is it's been a pretty good learning experience and this exercise in character building will only make me better. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, right?

Anyway, I'm veering off. No apologies though. Haha. Basta, stop apologizing.

Things To Do Before You Turn 30

Today I had lunch at a charming little bookshop/giftshop/cafe called Libreria along Tomas Morato. The callos was quite good and now that I think about it, priced rather reasonably in comparison to how much I would have to pay elsewhere in the area. It was really hard to sit still though because, having been surrounded with books, I kept having to stand up to check out whatever caught my eye. Most items are on sale 'til the end of September, so I'll probably go back to pick up a couple of books, and maybe a gift item or two.

But anyway, I'm not blogging to write a restaurant review. On the way out, I picked up a cute little book entitled (something like) Things To Do Before You Turn 30. Unfortunately I didn't have PhP450 on me, so I couldn't buy it. I can't remember if there was a specific number of items (30, perhaps?), but here are the ones I can remember:

1. Know your bloodtype. (Oops.)
2. Dump toxic friends.
3. Get yourself a kickass mattress.
4. Be notorious for something.
5. Speak a second language. (Dapat ba 'third' kasi bilingual talaga tayo dito?)
6. Master a family recipe. (That would have to be mom's famous lasagna... )
7. Make a killer cocktail.
8. Travel alone. (Does a 10-hour busride to Bicol count?)
9. Get health insurance.
10. Make another country your second home.

I'll try to add if anything pops up. And of course, I'll be making up my own stuff. If not now, then when I turn 27 (whoa!!!) next year.

Just trying to keep the spirits up :)

More on Passive Aggressiveness

Pardon my fixation but I've just been finding it increasingly hard to deal with the passive aggressiveness of some people I have to deal with on a regular basis. Ever since I learned about the disorder, I can't stop noticing it.

So many times we hear people say "If you have a problem, tell it to my face," but very few people can actually do that here in this blessed country I call home. Don't get me wrong... I don't think Filipinos should become bastos (rude) all of a sudden. I believe it is possible to be frank within the confines of common decency. What irks me so much is the fact that while people are perfectly capable of speaking their minds, they can never seem to do so in a setting where it can be channeled into something constructive. Too many Filipinos have put their own spin on the old saying "If you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all." What they do is not say anything at all... TO YOUR FACE... but then take all the nasty things they have to say about you to everyone BUT you. Sound familiar?

Tonight I realized that in some people, this behavior is unalterable. They will most likely live their entire lives without ever directly confronting anyone and stabbing people in the back instead. After giving a little to thought to what you can compare asking some people to give up backbiting, I've come up with this:

Asking some Filipinos to give up backbiting is like asking them to give up.... TEXTING!

Allow me to explain. Both behaviors are:
1) Learned.
2) Habitual.
3) Widely practiced...
... and therefore, to a degree 4) Socially acceptable.
And for those who are addicted to both, 5) Integral to one's sanity.

It is interesting to note that backbiting is often carried out through SMS. If you ask a serial texter/backbiter to stop texting, backbiting, and backbiting through text, you might as well ask him/her to give up food and water.

Haha. Oo, galit ako. And I have every right to be. Thankfully, I have enough sense to realize that there is little I can do to change behavior so deeply ingrained into a person's psyche. I have no control over other people's topak. But I do have control over how I choose to deal with it. Hopefully I figure out how soon. :)